dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
