Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
