I am puke
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
