after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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