her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
