He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
