Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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