mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
