I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
