you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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