I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
