I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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