He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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