Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this beer tastes like vomit already
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
