at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
