I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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