How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have post one night stand depression
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