i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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