Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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