1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it hurts more in the daytime
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
