We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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