Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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