So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
