One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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