I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
