hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
