She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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