I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
two words: eviction party
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
