in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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