hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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