How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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