I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
