if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
