If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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