Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
