it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
