The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this will be a night to untag.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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