when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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