I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
