he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
