ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
