Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
