do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
