um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's never too late to be topless.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
