Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Help. Why am I so naked?
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