I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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