we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize