if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Green mimosas i think yes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
