so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
