my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
