Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
