So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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