i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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