The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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