No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
