we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
