9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
