Can Purell be used as lube?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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