I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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