I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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