I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
