Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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