Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize