Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
