im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize